Switched
by red.rover22
Summary: Lovino wakes up in Feliciano's body and vise versa. There's only one thing that can change them back... Short chapters and I'm planning on having some Spamano and GerIta but from the looks of things, that might not happen.
1. Chapter 1

I first realize something's wrong when I wake up completely naked. Scowling, I roll over to face my brother, Feliciano, who for whatever God forsaken reason is wearing the shorts and T-shirt I fell asleep in last night. Disturbing.

His back is turned to me but I can tell he's still asleep. If he were awake he'd be jumping up and down on my chest, babbling on about whatever topic his squirrely brain happened to be holding on to at the moment.

Feliciano gasps in his sleep when I smack his ear with my fist but otherwise doesn't stir. Growling and muttering some half-hearted insults, I roll to the floor and inspect a white, button up shirt. I sneer at the stain of pasta sauce on the sleeve and pull it on anyway, figuring I can have Feli wash it later. After pulling on some boxers, I head downstairs to raid the fridge, since Feliciano obviously isn't going to make me anything, the bastard.

On the way down, I manage to trip over my own feet, sending myself somersaulting down the next eleven or so steps. I brush myself off and kick the wall angrily, then hobble away on my now injured foot. By the time I get to the fridge, I almost through it out the window when I can only find one single tomato. I make a mental note to visit Antonio later to get more and veh as I bring the tomato to my lips.

"What the _fuck…_?" I freeze, "…Did I just… fucking _veh? _I said 'veh'!? Shit, I really need to get out more!" I look down and realize I had been squeezing the fruit, forcing it to explode all over my hand and shirt, "Guess I'll see that bastard sooner rather than later."

Almost forgetting that I'm still not wearing pants, I scramble for a pair and am still trying to button the damn thing as I walk out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment my foot hits the street, some girl comes up to me and immediately launches into a conversation about a 'date' we have scheduled. I stare at her for a good thirty seconds and decide she must me one of those psychotic fangirls, trying to stalk me and Feli. She's pretty, I'll give her that much, but still. There's nothing good about a fucking stalker. No matter how sparkly and pretty they are.

We walk like that for a while. Her, chitter chatting away faster than Alfred can stuff his face with that fast food crap. Me, brining my hands up to my ears once in a while to make sure they aren't gushing blood.

"_Mio Dio, this chic is annoying. Why won't she shut the fuck up and bother some other poor bastard? Like Feliciano? Shut the fuck up already!"_ I rant at her in my mind but with my luck, of course I accidently voice what I'm thinking when she calls me by my brother's name, "You're so fucking annoying! I don't know who you are, or what this 'date' we have planned is! If we've ever talked before, I must have been high, or drunk, or something! Why would I want to go out with a motor mouth bastard like you!?"

That shut her up. And made her cry. I sigh and continue walking, leaving her standing there in the street. I feel a little bad for her but if I apologize, she'll never leave me alone, and if Antonio sees us together he'll get the wrong idea.

When I finally get up to his front door, I lift my hand up to knock, but the door swings open before I have a chance to make contact. I look up at the taller Spanish bastard. He just stands there with that stupid smile and greets me. "Hola Feliciano~… where's Lovi?"


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm going to the bathroom," I growl at the bastard, who is now curled up on the floor, clutching his side.

He just gives me a pained smile as I step over him, "W-wow Feli, you... you hit pretty hard"

_"Mio Dio Antonio, what the hell is wrong with you?"_ I pause for a second debating whether or not I should stomp that stupid smile off his stupid face. How dare he call me that. Antonio, of all the rest of the bastards in this fucked up world, should know the difference between me and my fratello. Deciding against it, I march into the bathroom, jaw clenched, and lock the door behind me. I always lock the door now, especially when I'm in the bathroom. I don't need that Tomato bastard barging in and asking me if I need help. "_Like hell I'd want you to help me take a piss."_

My hands slam against the cold counter top, making them sting slightly. I stare angrily at them. That hurt way more than it should have. After all the years I spent growing tomatoes with that Spanish bastard, my hands have calloused from having hit him so much. But its not like I hit him just for haha's; it's because he deserves it for saying something idiotic and corny or trying to 'harvest' me. The longer I stare, the more things I find that are wrong with my hands. They seem smaller. And a lot paler than I'm used to. "Ah, but what do I know? Not like I study my hands under a god damned microscope."

I run my unfamiliar fingers through my hair, which I noticed is also a lot lighter than I thought it was. I raise my eyes to the mirror, just to show myself that I'm asking too many stupid questions. An unconscious shout burst out of my mouth and I stumble back, tripping over and falling into Antonio's big ass bath tub. I shout again, this time from anger rather than shock, at the fact that his tub is filled with water and turtles.

It doesn't take long for Antonio to appear. He breaks the door down, after realizing its locked, and comes in declaring something about how he will save 'the cute little Italian from drowning in the tub'. Moron.

I don't react when he lifts me, dripping wet, out of the tub. When he throws a large towel on my shoulders and starts to dry off my hair, I just stare straight ahead, to shocked to protest. He could pull on my curl and I still wouldn't do anything. Somewhere in my mind I've exploded and can hear myself unleashing hell on him. Ranting about how I'm, a grown man and can take care of myself. But the voice is faint. The rest of my attention is focused on the reflection in the mirror. I know it _should_ be my reflection looking at me thought the glass, but it's not. The person being reflected, copying my every move, is my twin brother, Feliciano.


	4. Chapter 4

"Come one idiot. Pick up already," I mumble impatiently into the ringing phone and pull the massive towel further onto my bare shoulders. Shivering unconsciously, I cast a glare towards the door, in the Tomato Bastard's general direction. He'd taken my clothes, insisting that he dry them, leaving me with only my boxers and a towel. He'd tried taking the boxers too but I convinced him otherwise using my foot. I got tired of waiting for him to bring me something of his to throw on and figured he was probably too stupid to think of lending my something, rather than have me stand half naked in his living room.

When the answering machine picks up _again_, I mentally pull my brother's hair out and dial his number for the fourth fucking time. It doesn't even get a chance to ring before his panicky whining bombards my ear drums. By the end of today, I think I'll have to send them to the emergency room by Life Star.

"Ah~ Lovino, Lovino! Something horrible has happened I don't know what's going on why do I look like you I'm scared and Ludwig was being mean to me wah~ help me Lovi I-"

"_How the hell did he know it was me..?" _I irritatedly pinch the bridge of my nose, trying very hard not to start a nuclear war with my temper. "Feli, I-"

"I'm so confused its weird where are you Lovi-"

"Feli."

"What if we're stuck like this forever I want my cute face back fratello give it back how did this happen-"

"Feli, stop."

"You weren't there when I woke up so I called Ludwig and he-"

"Shut the fucking hell up right now you little Potato-loving, pasta-eating bastard before I come over there and strangle the annoying out of you!" I shout and grip the phone, my knuckles turning white and my jaw clenched in anger. He cries quietly from fear and hiccups over the phone, but says nothing. My anger is replaced by guilt so I awkwardly apologize and through gritted teeth tell him to help me figure out what's going on. He launches into an agonizing story about how the Potato Asshole was somehow being 'mean' to him. That's when I get the idea. "Hey idiota," A slight smile appears on my face as I think over my plan. "I'll talk to Ludwig for you, okay?" I struggle to hold back another one of those moronic 'vehs'.

He perks up and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he's smiling, "R-really fratello? Grazie~!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Don't mention it." I sigh and we say our goodbyes, both of us grinning but for completely different reasons when we hang up.


	5. Chapter 5

Forcing the purest, most idiotic, phony smile I can bare, I dilly-dally aimlessly down the street. When I see a kitten, I drop to all fours and follow it, tramping through gardens and eventually to someone's back porch, earning me a serious whack on the head with a broom. I restrain myself and runaway like my girly-ass brother would, rather than rip the door of its hinges and use it to beat the bastard. I chase butterflies and stare blankly at clouds. My confidence seems to be at an all-time high when I stop to talk some girls, which I probably would have done anyway, idiot body or my own. _"I must be a pretty good actor- pretending I'm Feli is fucking easy. There's no way that Nazi will see the difference! I even want to strangle myself; I'm acting so empty headed right now!" _

It isn't until I hear a certain someone's obnoxious laughter up ahead that I remember the purpose of my little adventure. Damn, that bastard's so fucking loud; he can get a rock to complain, "AHAHAHAHAHA!" His laughter seems a bit forced, like he's nervous, "Uh, what didn't work..? Iggy."

I try to fight off my curiosity but I can't. _"Did the air just turn in to invisible molasses or something...? Fuck. Fine body, fine. I will slow the fuck down and smell some flowers. Anything that delays my visit with the Nazi Asshole is more than welcome to jump out at me." _Ranting to silently to myself, I watch the two morons standing across the street. Arthur seems to be looking at Alfred with a paled look of disbelief. He's trying to hide it but the fucker can't. I'd give him lessons except I fucking hate his guts so I'll just laugh to myself instead.

"Ah! N-nothing you git! ...But are you sure you're okay..? You didn't feel different when you woke up this morning?" He peers at Alfred, as if trying to get inside his head.

Alfred steps back, "...D-dude...! Did you try to, um, curse me!? ...Not...not cool." His voice starts to trail off and I start to lose interest. Just two morons fighting about fucking nothing.

I walk a little faster, my heart sinking to my colon when I realize I'm lost. That's right- my colon. So low it passed through my stomach and went to my colon. I stop and look around. I've been wandering to nowhere for hours, trying to get a feel for how Feli would act, so it's dark now and most people have gone home already. It's just me and the morons, who are standing awkwardly a few yards away from where I am. There's no way in fucking hell I'm asking those bastards for help, but the darker it gets, the more lost I seem to be. I end up taking about five more steps before I freeze and start to whimper, _Mio Dio, I'm turning into that idiot," _I frown, realizing I'm not even trying to anymore; the things I think Feli would do are just coming naturally now. _"WWFD. What Would Feliciano Do? ...Or I guess it could be World Wrestling Federation Dammit...Or that other thing with that God damned panda." _I joke to myself as I cross over to the morons on shaky legs, swallowing my pride.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN- I am so so so sorry for taking so long to update! I've had writer's block for- how long has it been? Six, seven months? Still unable to write anything decent but I figured I'd at least **_**try **_**and update for you ;n; I was so close to finishing when my laptop decided, "Hey! Won't it just be butt loads of fun to RESTAR T myself!?" so I have to rewrite it. I apologize ahead of time. Also, in order to avoid long waits like this chapter, leave me any suggestions you have to happen in the next one in your review, da~? **

I end up asking the two idiots, Fatty and Captain Eyebrows. After a moment of thought, and a swift kick in Arthur's shin, they agree that yes, they can and will take me to Ludwig's house. I follow them to the most god ugly car I've ever seen and Arthur and Alfred climb into the front two seats, leaving me standing outside. The fuckers had taken out the backseats, I don't know why, and I don't think I want to know either, but they did. Alfred, realizing the significant lack of seats in the car, pats his leg and grins.

Whoa there! What the hell does he expect!? For me to just crawl up into his lap and sit there the whole ride!? I refuse, claiming I'd rather be strapped to the roof.

Of course though, ten minutes later I'm strapped in shotgun, on top of Alfred, plotting his murder as Arthur's shitty music plays on the radio. Luckily, Alfred switches the radio to his own station, but it turns out his choice in music is even more fucked up. Honestly, I don't know what I expected.

Fortunately for me, the ride is short. Apparently I had passed the Potato bastard's house, about thirty minutes ago, so driving would only take about five minutes. Except Arthur was driving, so it took closer to fifteen and every extra minute was forty times more aggravating than the last. I swear to fuck I was watching fucking rust grow on the hood of his car. Before they even pull up to his house, I wiggle myself free of the seat belt and Alfred's inhumanly strong grasp and escaped through the open window. They gave me a weird look and I resist flipping them off as they drive away. I scurry over to the door, taking car to kick a tacky looking garden gnome over and proceed to excessively ring the bell.

I push the button once. After a minute goes by and there is no noise what so ever on the other side, I ring again. And again. I ring about five more times before I just hold my finger there, letting out a long, continuous chime throughout the house. "Fucking hell!" I angrily sit on the front step and put my head in my hands. The clock in Arthur's car had said it was only half past nine, so I doubt he'd be asleep. The asshole must have gone out. "Probably buying more glue for his hair," I decide.

I end up falling asleep there, waking an hour later to slurred laughter and the heavy smell of You beer. I sit up groggily as a voice says, "Careful, Bruder! You have an Italian at your door, don't damage him!" Gilbert guides the other past me, swaying a bit himself. I follow the two into the house.


End file.
